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Q: You look, then, for the behavior behind a disconnect —
the behavior behind why an executive missed something, missed a
cue?
A: We look even behind that to the thinking behind a behavior
or, said differently, What's the story? — which has cognitive
thoughts in it as well as emotions like fear and passion.
There's something he has assumed to be true — call that the
story — out of which this behavior, which we observe is not
working to produce the results he wants.
Part of what we do as coaches is we help people figure out what
is that source? It's intuitive. It's unconscious. You don't even
know it. When we start asking questions, we usually find out there
is quite a complex story organized in there and when someone stands
inside that story, the behavior makes a lot of sense.
What the executive is not seeing is the effect his behavior is
having on his people in the room, on the group, on the psychology,
on what they're going to do next.
Q: You like to have clients journalize. Can you talk about
how that helps identify their story? How that works?
A: We will pick an upset that occurred to them, something
that just didn't work, and we'll say go back and write out the story.
What were you assuming to be true about those in the meeting room?
About the purpose of the meeting? What were you assuming to be true
about your role in all that?
If there is a big upset, we have them reflect on what the big
upset reminds them of — in some cases, we have them go back
and think about it as a child.
What upsets you the most are things you learned to be upset about
as a kid.
Q: The journal then should examine assumptions about what's
true, assumptions about purpose of exchanges and assumptions of
roles individuals have in the exchange. At that point, an
individual can become reflective about their background?
A: When you do enough journaling, or sometimes in dialogue,
what you begin to realize is that the executive has some responsibility
in how things turned out.
Usually when things don't go well, what's the first thing people
do?
Q: I blame somebody else.
A: Exactly! You blame the other person or persons. ...
Or people will rationalize, make up a story about how it wasn't
really important or they didn't really care.
The rationalization in the moment may make some sense, but it's
coming out of an old fear or an unwillingness to address a difficult
situation. All are perfectly normal human behaviors. Fears and reactions
to fears are perfectly normal.
We try to help people get to a “discipline of personal mastery”
and the first piece of that is self-awareness: what are my thoughts,
mental models and stories out of which comes my behavior, out of
which comes some difference in the results occurring in the workplace.
For instance, the executive could realize that the way he set
the meeting up affected how his manager behaved, which affected
the results that the individual is now being blamed for.
One of the tenets of the discipline of personal mastery is looking
to see where an individual can be more accountable.
A chief executive, a president, a vice president has to realize
that their behavior has this huge symbolic effect on everybody else
in the organization. A little tiny thing — how you handle your
upset in a meeting — will spread through the psychology of
an organization like wildfire.
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