The Leading Question Article Series

What's Missing?

Recently a friend of mine, a busy corporate executive like many of you, lost his older brother to pancreatic cancer. His brother was only 56 and he left a loving wife and two beautiful children. When death hits us close we tend to be jolted from our busyness and really stop and think about what is going on in our lives. We can all feel my friend's pain. Shock turns into agony and grief never seems to go away.

The hole in one's heart may never be filled. At best, we attempt to fill the hole with what we have always done. We first attempt to get back into our rhythm and run on the treadmill of life, doing, doing, and doing but still hurting. What's missing? Less than two weeks later, my friend lost a college buddy. This time a 41 year-old father left behind his three young children and wonderful wife . . . More grief, more pain, more "fog."

The events of our lives affect us deeply. Our energy is often driven by our moods which are made up predominantly of the emotions we ritually experience. We need an extraordinary amount of energy to run at the pace that most of us attempt to run at. When shock or tragedy hits, we don't seem to be able to find or create enough energy. What's missing?

Leaders first must master themselves before they can effectively lead others. You may not be dealing with the depths of despair but I'll bet you are experiencing some deep emotions given all the tough things happening in our world. Whether the familiar "down" mood is created by grief, frustration, anger, or anxiety, it was not created by the events of our lives, rather by our unconscious minds. This is hard stuff – but nonetheless the understanding of which makes for great leaders.

What's missing is our familiarity with ourselves – to be able to slow down enough and really reflect on what is happening – within us AND to take the lead to change the thinking that is creating the emotion that creates the mood that saps our energy.

Are you too busy to reflect? Then you are too busy to live fully. The events of life will not stop coming at you, they come in waves, over and over. Prepare yourself. Choose to be fully alive for your loved ones. Stop. Think and reflect. Take charge of you and how you think about the events in your life. What’s missing is reflection and noticing that we do not have to be controlled by the events of our lives. What meaning and purpose will you create from the unexpected, sometimes unfortunate events in your life?

"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere." La Rochefoucauld

Don Frericks
Senior Partner
O'Brien Group